CONTACT

07958 five 26 381

old now unused but left for posterity

https://ruralralph.blogspot.com/ 

current sites

https://www.ralphschism.com/

https://ralphschism.substack.com/

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/

no more facebook, not that i ever liked it

 except, once... the winter gone

all future anything, now in one permanent home

https://www.ralphschism.com/

where someone kindof showed me.... to let go....all the way...especially 'bodily'... and i rather like my video channel there, that continues, from "THE BEGINNING"

And anyway, the complete lack of nuance, feeling, and one dimensionality in almost all online anything, only lead to jumping to silly childlike conclusions, as it seems our children have been brainwashed to do...I sought only grown up allies. And in almost the ultimate Dostoevskian nightmare  scenario, it seems most of them are stuck in this false childlike sweet-talk, and that was never how to 'change' anything...

schism

 Is just a fancy word for 'end of era'.

In my case in a nice way. What a relief! No more causes... they were always - twenty years, a waste of time...even if one learns real life - the actual truth of people...trying

This identity (rural Ralph)  is now finished  - except i must one day write the stories. They are  sort of interesting...

One version - the not poetical version i started here a few years ago.

IF THIS SITE IS LINKED TO MY NAME I MAY BE VIOLENTLY DUFFED UP(as it points finger at local landowners who know me). please do not..

https://dilettanteenvironmentalism.blogspot.com/

and ditto - the end of era really 'began' when a truly standard solution i began to develop 2021 to the standard nightmare  situation we have in my (former)region 5+years - all the Londoners bought all the houses so nothing left for locals or the youngsters

So

CLT! - they have been around decades -  good new real affordable housing for the bottom 1/3

https://titleyscheme.blogspot.com/

quite doable - so many 'people pleased' to my face "fine idea lets do it.."  so i began to lobby, and hustle - a lot, then no one did a thing. Wasting yet another 6 mths of my life.... ohhwell, nowt as queer as folk - their funeral..

NEW START ONLY:

I began my end of era writing - on simple offgrid and super simple living here - but really it is about the PSYCHOLOGY of how to live well, on very little

I exist online ONLY here now (except small bit of work on my 2004-6 film project - the two totally separated)

https://www.ralphschism.com/

And of many reasons to be 'feminist' one often overlooked is that WOMEN wrote many (i argue the majority) of the greatest books of literature the last 200 years...

I am compiling a website gradually (for my daughter and her generation ) of the BEST radically intelligent literature and also film which inspires REAL lifeforce.. real original thought!

https://leftovers2022.blogspot.com/

but i would love help...ideas

This used to be at the top of this page....but then...

 

 

spring 2019: UNDER CONSTRUCTION. temporary first draft to be improved this summer 2019- as i relearn the niceties or otherwise of blogspot.com

autumn 2020: and then i got a bit busy having a rural summer plus other glorious ridiculously happy rural stuff . so i didn't construct it...

An era really did end.

poetic just ice....

 Ohh there is years in this

The complete and utter acedia of the church.

And i saw it through another so damn sweet and intelligent and she also would say " my ohhh my.... there i was at their door in the pouring rain of Newquay... monsoon! and they wouldn't let me in...involved in some cliquey in-group soul aggrandising meeting..." 

And then 2020 my friends....as much as anyone ever is, friends of half a decade, i needed no ones help but did they actually assist anyone else in a region where yes there are many old lonely folk, unable to get to the shops...?

Nope...and i have it on audio chronicle. Many many a time over a decade....

They are frozen .. rabbits frozen in the oncoming train and actually do wreck 'community' by their fakery. Even f they may well be 'doing their best' their institution does need a bit of HELP...with lets actually hear some TRUTH... so you can get your 'house' in order...first

Which doesn't bother me, except far moreso in fact the 'new age' naval gazing - all over, everywhere, especially nicer rural areas,  has meant that every single supposed eco minded 'concerned citizen' i have engaged with for years - often at great cost to myself -  time wasted which i should have used to be earning or other things... ever single one so so so stuck in gazing at their naval  - i.e. 'wellness' and inner soul'work'... that they don't have one that's any use to society and never ever ever did what they said they would just to  maybe organise a little to protect local rivers.

Yep...all neurotic self affirmation.

But what is the self for if not to actually function a little functionally within the time immemorial  need to balance and monitor opposing forces and powers and money  which would indeed selfishly exploit people and environments...

Nope... there aint no hope.

Which i have a  simply superb chronicle of chronicling reality... of people i have MET

#1 commandment

say what you mean

mean what you say

May has well have been sharing that with zombies or corpses the last 15 years...

roofless

And minus six tonight.

But how not to moan...no matter what don't moan. It just becomes  tittle tattle for someone who doesn't actually care...

I hardly ever mention the true big horrid one.

I shall just once.

one day

 Not really,

and certainly not any Ivan Denisovich.

Meaning, what?

Meaning.

Funny old word.

And so overused of late.

Just being alive, and knowing full well that just keeping moving, will, always, boost that natural mojo machine.

The kairos. 

Well, waiting for echoes to diminish. 

There are always echoes to any sharp ending.

And thus sharp halts are always the wrong way, even if the hurry hurry types that took over the UK will even try and make money from you demanding they are right. Nope....  the wait til things naturally evolve into something different is always the way.

Funny thing is same applies to my new last name.

I have just discovered 'landloper'.

Which is perhaps the word long sought, and now it's too late.

Not that it is ever too late. Until it is.

But, schism.  Why? Or what kind?  as my life is always soft edged. Quiet gradual slides down the slope. Up to the top of the hill.

And now i know what kind.

And, no. In fact what a wonderful year in several respects. No matter what on earth - and i still ponder; to have such a complete sudden immersion into the world of the video call - showing off to some extent via the screen, in fact i realise is a liberation. Over a hump.

I need to keep and publish in a public place a video diary of sorts should i expire before the boring arrangements can be made to always ensure passwords and the like are available, to the only one who needs to know - all is well in my world.

In fact a few months by the river path where i became somewhat marooned, i so notice the sloped shoulders and shuffling pitiful gait of so many. Me, never.      Always bright eyed, always loping up into the hills when i can. Which is always.

ERAS END BUT i HAVENT FINISHED PUTTING UP THE PHOTOS AND GROOVY FILMS..YET

 And... do have great little clips and essays to log here soon,  because due a certain person i have never been 'FREEer' to enjoy every moment... be maybe more fully 'aware', in every moment... knowing one just stays to plan A no matter what...

And have as a result had the very most enjoyable summer and autumn for many years - which for me means also in tandem trying to gather into essays some wise discoveries...always everything has a silver lining, always, even the headfuckiest of them....always.

END of the era...

various things will now only be written here on the 'home' page

https://ruralralph.blogspot.com/

and i may start to share this with publishers soon or maybe some real filmmakers if there are any left - because it is why... not 'why'? me  - why an no one cooperate even in the countryside where for ...ever...people knew they must to make it viable..

And why do 'environmentalists' only lie - the rivers even in my  very low intensity region are ruined... 

they lie that they even DO anything (they dont... 3 months i have been ultra busy on 2 new projects... what a story! - the absolute cant and vanity and bullshit from the environmentally 'aware'.. all recorded...for posterity... )

 end of era...about 20 years 

a week ago - i NEED to be a narcissist and waffle into my camera as one day my lass may need to understand...i THINK she has a true sceptical and enquiring mind....

But just a few days one, freedom

REAL freedom not some show off  "look at me I AM FREE"

but ten times more important

one must have a place...an evocative place which symbolises ...well..it all (WHICH MEANS I DO HAVE TO TELL THE STORIES - ALL...ONE DAY..)

and if it is placed such that even mid novemeber it gets good sunshine...and everyone else has forgotten it even exists. that is where you put your sunchair..

as i have... cos winter sunshine is ten times more valuable than the summer 

'bourgeois' pt 2

 Not quite yet

Because even if i never am off duty - as that is what awaking with the birds, means - the birds as they tweet way before the dawn, remind "still alive, great sleep, plod on.....but enjoy 'it'.. whatever the it is... ohh i suppose i will start to upload ziggabytes of film from the last ten years...why not.... it was only ever to show one person....one day she may be interested in what really happened in the lands she was raised.... way aside from the bourgeois, at first..." 

And although this does deserve an essay -  as so few know how to live, my my how the fight for the council or 'arts' funding, to assist them tell folk, whilst knowing nothing of how to live, no matter what, about death...me every second of life counts!

Especially when it is this interesting. An end of an era....

Now, I can write.

With tremendous LIFE FORCE and ...

Well, 'creativity' is a word far too easily used without having lived.

Live it...

which means get the fuck out of the way of your words, or perhaps songs, or perhaps pics...

And despite poor Little Mister Tolle really missing out the important bit which means he is a fraud...

Nope... Herman that greatest German knew.... 

You gotta spend a fuck of a long time staring into the river knowing for sure you should drown yourself as all the others are wretched runts, but they win.... and always will.

Only once you have known for sure there is no point in for even 'just for five minutes' living on and being made stronger by what may have killed you.... 

Had you forgot to bother not dying from it...

ONLY then.... are you free to make a fool of yourself in the journey into the creative zone and, be there just because you can. 

As there is little other raison d'etre...

 

Oh yes tangent, raison d'etre: it may well be the highest form of actual writing, especially when it was in respect of those three....

It started with her, the first...

In that last ever slightly terrible part of a year ...eighteen...

I mean what man has endured that not even Lady Macbeth on steroids in could have been that wonky... lets just call the poor lamb wonky as she knew not

what

she didnt do but others used her, to

So be it, folk will be wonky

(even that one word there is a three year story of life and death by little green men, and an American woman who must of course push her nasty so called drugs for her inadequate life onto a lamb so pure, even i couldnt find constructive critique..  and killed her, for which America must never be forgiven, or at least the truth of it always remembered, and turned one day into a Rhyme even Coleridge couldn't outdo for smelly Albatrosses...)

Anyway as usual i digress, which is pretty good going when i sit in someone elses building with a plug and know i only have it for half an hour, so have to go into overdrive and not think about how i may or may not digress, for effect.

The point, I can write. I knew the most beautiful woman in the Kingdom once. As a teen. Her older than I just a tad. 

Anyway long story about having to leave the country, then, thank god.... because i discovered what actual love was. A year in her gang - their gang....  and that one first night when, just her and i at that party me never quite the life and soul. And we spoke. She ...well i don't know what she did, but someone you have been fascinated by for a year and always on easiest terms, and then just like that - nothing saucy, just real person woman.... that night you realise all of a sudden out of the blue, in a dream or in a whirlwind  it matters not, but you cannot ever again be in her vicinity, because.... she is with him. And he is great too....

But then  - bought back together by Jeremy Yes Jezza the second coming of Christ knows what.....

because her and I - Ms Smith, yes so 'smith' you cannot possibly look them up - ultra commoner her.... 

Spend a year at odds - person to person via The Book....

'person to 'person'? i wrote that woman my life story especially the bit about that night - the last one i saw her...

And talk about getting blood from a mad stone... er... yes UK the land where even a 37 years senior NHS head chief nursey is sucha  druggie she cannot be human any more....

Pages

chapters....

hardly ever a word...

And then maybe nine months in, and the beautiful or one beautiful don't just 'laugh' smileything...

"you made me laugh writing that" i can tell you is Homer on The lotus juice ..squared, times infinity.

No one makes her 'laugh'... by an absurd nine months of her not picking up her phone, and maybe reading her messages, maybe not...unless 

they can harness  all the Muses who ever were extant, squared and whip them into flying you through the air in lead chariot they drag as theyre hunted by Cyclops imself.... on speed

No one ever ...by mere writing alone...made her... [near illiterate too]...laugh.

But then when that is not what one wanted, it is no boast...

And she was only the first.

Perhaps the ultimate getting out of the way of yourself as i believe comedic communication, is overrated...

I an write. 

I can not be myself and still write.

But not yet..

And because this one is so important as there are just maybe  a few folk one day i may be content if they have pondered what certain words are really for...

its just DRAFT

And for now very scrappy...

A not that middle class town, nevertheless i wonder when in September ...dogs started top need to wrap up

Then you go up a notch in the old ABC D1 stakes. A slightly higher council tax banding and of course, it becomes even more of a fashion show...

But then, her..now she is kindof my friend...because there is a 'class' above who know in truth even if their doggies are  two grand a pop... for show..... her and i heard the best joke ever in all of 'spiritual' mumbojumbo...and we laughed together...

a lot

real laughter from the belly - even if their are absurdly close to the ground.

This is not rteally full on 'bourgeois' but is a start. The real meat and two veg of the bourgeois essay is about how it HURTS them so to lose their... 'standard' of ..'living'..what a curious phrase when it isn't living..its just bourgeois

One is alive, aside, of oneself, and certainly aside of all their expensive show off items....

And i was for a short period of great acedia  - lost and lonely...a minor lost affluenza sufferer ... stuff mattered... well it did until you got it home and tried it on

And

The zen of kairos

 is a phrase i thought that I had 'used up' a little while ago.

hahh hahhh....

yester...aft?

or morn?

Or ...what is time, when all ones time is so utterly perfect...

And as for 'time'  - years ago one thought maybe one day one could haver a sort of 'revenge' on little missey....

[crap like that started all the rest of the crap, and crap]

But 'revenge' is an awful word for emotional and 'spiritual' eejits ...who never believed in themselves. 

And that there is no knowing, anything, especially what next.

Especially when

You have her perhaps where she needs to be.... for her

Not me.

Universalism means whatever anyone may try

to think.

There is only one universal law 

And it must be adhered to, no matter what they may think.

And as those fabulous Portuguese once said "for the English..to see..."

It isn't a compliment.

So, using ...herr... that isn't a typo, eleccy....

T's... tzzz  time for a Tammy overloaD...

the way.. they... yes they are certainly a 'them' hate it...when i write to them rationally and with true zen and fucking up their arses 'spirituality' very early...

very early in the day...

cos days start at fuckin well before Dawn

But then one cannot swear especially how it has become the default language of those even taking the tourist dollar ...loudly, and for 'effect', and thus.

Well one is stuck when there is no propriety

Well one knew that years ago.

Starting with herr...of course.

But it is the true very very 'aggressive', fuck em with their false spirituality  - for cash....  that really really does hurt, them

when 

they get a zenned answer to their nasty little foul

language

at well well 

before dawn

Always.

But then she is nothing when even that Tam .. cannot get beyond her absurd little assumptions the other side of her Zoom screen...

Amish means amish...small a

And all fakes are Fakes, big f

But the true zen is to never ever for a millisecond whether or not they are a figment of the quantum fields so called universe, ezzz ...imaginary effect or neigh...

All that matters is even, now...  to not wish one millisec to have been different is more than their awful little word, zen.. they preach without having one smallest understanding of what it may REALLY mean...

It means exactly this second, now.

And that slightly overused word, by me, 

Not real...lly 

kairos.

Just got defined 

In a way that My Man 

Montaigne, will be so passive aggressive kleptomaniac narcissistic personality disordered up his wife's one whether or not he actually did bend her over his aga or not, or maybe it was hers... cos i know one thing that rewriting history as to just how poor and agaless all those historical babes were,  does nothing for the actual today feminism of so called...woman.

English ones at least.

I think 'kairos' actually means something else 

And we cannot say 'liminal' as that word was stolen, too 

by every fraudstress who is trying to keep hold of the county funds.

when they should be used to keep peeps, alive

Which means "dont go waste your one good winter afternoon of decent weather listening to these pious creeps going on about death, assume nothing...i should be dead...but live better in every moment than anyone else i know...by far....

"And thank god - i mean really really thank the gods of kairos  the real ones....  that Tammy said 'i think not' 

"not that she can think....

" because whatever the words are and i can spend ten years hence pondering what they should be - the final draft...

"no one would believe, anyway....  that this life, especially that which started near three years ago

"can be so utterly glorious almost every day in fact the inglorious are now required

"and even can be a period of your so called, time...when not only does the treble Nobel deserving piece of actual glorious literature - the most glorious of all, and i know my lit,  surface... 

"but there we - errata, you..were: peakest little lockie  number two, someone bored...time on their hands....

"[ to think you fat cunt ... you can slander me and enjoy besmirching every bit of me, all you wish from dawn every day, but.. she may well be in terms of skintone, your'n 'sister'.... and in this she is two years older than you....  to think due my fattist prejudice never mind any other as a younger man likely in fact sure as ferrits are 'fuzzies..'.... but most days now i take her with me ramblin...in fact fast marchin up even the steepest hills....yes i desrve to be thought a cunt what kind of cunt holds in the palms of his hands.. just her and i and another lonely drunk that night.... holds them .... THEM! .. she too drunk to not even notice that she needed em propped up  - 'help'...as she crawls up on that little stage.... but matey, she was.... not quite as good that night as thirty years hence... makers your false smiley crap look the false fake che t-shirt crap it is.... she never moaned.... she just...  is... the one and only real one... ever .... and to think once i held...]  to think.... 

" to think...Tammy, never deserved her 'perch' cos... she couldn't not only keep it up, but understand that kairos is real... it may come along at any time,  and say i an live for real at last now, free...every day...always... and "

True true true happiness ....

 as long as she didn't do anything arrestable... 

but then I will never know.

And that is the point:, your society became so hall of mirrors two faced, and all the 'therapists'  - the English ones for sure, so lost within their own utterly fake 'identity' for years now...

they cannot take a little reality:

"Theres NO MONEY left for you..."

But what a magnificent therapy phase - she even laughed today. 

Not that she is anything to me - i know only those able to remember what straight talk is....are worth ever bothering with again.

 And now at last i can get back to my may year tick over projects....that sure are, now, timely

The essays go up, soon...

this vid from the other day was meant to be in 'bourgeois part 1' but didnt get there..oh well I have all the time in the world, which s what true happiness is - i did my best... (even for her of late...hahh hahhh its 3 volumes of Proust to begin to describe it.... another day, or year..)

  

"bourgeois" part 1

And now my real 'purpose' and pleasure can begin.

Someone threw a sentence at me in the summer "your word you use, bourgeois .." 

well it isn't really a very nice word.  But i am always loyal even to ghosts and for a few months have been pondering the simplest essay on what bourgeois really means. And i have it, to be rit soon...i think it is good.

And also my seven year in the can film on 'mindfulness' - what that ACTUALLY is - the why nature is good for you aspect.  Time to share that one. It is wonderful. Not if nature - the 'nasty' bits, give you the creeps though. 

Lets just say that we are about have a repeat. Seven years ago November was exceptionally warm. As a result rattus had an extra litter. They would normally have stopped screwing august /September. Cues from nature.  But 2015 with the exceptionally warm November they got back at it. And my my a month later all hell broke loose...where i lived then, surrounded by ay acres of untended woodlands...  as all the little youngster rattus emerged... for there not to be any grub for them left, December...

 I have many recordings as to what happened next.

Hilarious, but so so REAL-'mindful'.... soon i shall at last share that. Being no point ever again bothering with ay 'cause' 

Back to for now 'bourgeois' as my my how important the 'words' now are but then I knew that reading PROPER psychology, philosophy, and biology...for thirty years.....such as Martin's superb The Sickening Mind - badly titled as it's about ow the mind can demand we LIVE!!!!

 

In that  recently superb new research seems to suggest that ALL our wank 'caring' jargon, talk, and the like in fact have killed people.  That bossocracy - usually fat, in fact all along with their new words and paradigms of endlessly talking on radio 4chan about some or other initiative for the good of the Altzheimers 'sufferers' ..it all started about 20 years ago.. first 'dyslexia then all your ad haiches.... fat middle aged women desperate for their pensions so any old latest 'medical' this and that they fanatically parrot... cos that kept them in jobs, bless em....

Nope....sorry ladies (it almost all is that aint sexist pig) ... wrong.

Societies even ones close by like Sardinia where this talk - labels words about 'disease' that has been around forever, people LIVE LONGER.. actual physical processes can be observed by real scientists whereby the use of these medicalising negative words causes real physical negative effects... that cause people to die earlier. Period. And they aint medical thigs ether.

Anyway no one can listen so many vested interests, in misery... which in and of itself is bourgeois though more subtly.

Meanwhile i am the happiest bunny in the world in that for three months apart from fait accomplis...

i have started to make a whole load of more interesting little chunks of 'footage' about how in fact to ultra simplify and why it is good...which also means living extremely well on nearly nothing...

And this is the end phase in a few seemingly silly clips.... but i know what i am doing.

And the stories... the stories of real life discovering simpler ways...that's the super fun bit.

Soon

the bullshit

Now, there should be a word that is the inverse of 'retire'  - in fact there is ...time to LIVE... hahh hahhh yes real hahh hahh

THis little 'post' should be a book, or novel as I have whittered many years "i have never met any charlatan or lying people pleaser WORTH naming..."  even if there os one who committed such evil acts of animal cruelty in July 2020, unbeknown to him me and my camera capturing....

bet his Extinction Rebellion mates, and igh church mates, and aristo family mates, and ex mates on the local council who paid him to be 'environmental' spokesperson some years ....would like to know his name...

but why bother as i know quite scientifically (focus grouped the REAL version, on the street THEN do they remember the next time we meet?) no one actually cares.

Someone in this does a bit. "ok lassie...ninety minutes you and I and him... i had my recorder on...if you don't do what you say you will you will find my recording all over your twitter.....even if too lazy to do it for years..."

A fine woman accepts that as the real world and doesn't mind an ultimatum, as she knows i mean it - my dedication,  and that ALL the rivers fucked for 50 miles means it isn't a joke any more,  or yet another occasion for fat people to eat cake and virtue signal...

That said, tragic when "Missie... half a dozen said they would be in touch with you to support you.... and i have further info to report in... buttwo times out of three the last four months your official office email bounces and your right hand he waffles something about systems issues... "

Anyway, so, not me.... she

tells me five months ago to my face 

"THE only way we save t....is if we have one of these...."

https://theriverstrust.org/about-us/news/press-release-uk-to-get-second-designated-river-bathing-site-at-oxfords-port-meadow

"what a great idea.....  upstream polluters can at last be held to draconian account....even citizens can take judicial review against them...splendid.. "

a few months on tramping the whole region, no expenses no help:

" hey... twenty i have quizzed face to face, many in the past could be relied on to ego-battle, be weird, and then do nothing....except twist a knife in ones back they stuck there the moment i moved on ...

"But EVERY single one says fantastic idea, o downside and most say they will work in a small group each trying to establish one on their utterly fucked rivers, Lugg Arrow Teme, upper Wye....

" i have a seven years known superb younger man who will set up simplest webpage and whatsapple group so they...i have 3 in each spot...can all chatter but really just copy your great idea.... i wlll email you in a week with final details of them all... superb best eco project by far i have ever come across... and i tell them all it was only your scheme..."

But then...

As if the script for a dystopian novel about acedia, apathy. and worse....death...  had come to pass, once again, writing itself.  Not one single person of at east a dozen who adamantly were excited and bright eyed about HER fabulous idea...  answered any text, email, or ....even remembered their pledge next time they were spied on a street...i mean very small streets with little distraction. 

Which is an illness called 'people pleasing'. Or at the very least scatterbrainitis, and since i don't drink  and also select people over many years to partner/ ally/collaborate  with who appear to live fairly clean lives, and are well enough off they dont have to work a 90 hr week at the local chicken sheds.... so they should remember a meaningful conversation of at least 30 minutes with very good rhetoric....

It doesn't matter.. once again - this is only about the seventh such simple regional initiative...i have spearheaded or joint taken forward with someone MUCH nicer than me.... 

Where one discovers pure and simple utter pandemic of bullshit. Why your envoironment will remain fucked forever...

Though with me it is 'dual purpose' in that as every word is chronicled recorded.... diarised... what a splendid picture of the 'truth' of fake environmentalism...yet again

So, yet another five months, ending today, forever....wasted.

But i am the lucky one as i actually DID do 'my' best....  and this deserve a new life.  Forget the old one - caring...for 20+ years...ever happened. Except for the memoir which will be such fun - in fact rather funny it is so surreal. 

The chapters that do add to it - the aforementioned excepting one being 'civilians', though is when one makes an official call. 

to the riverstrust.org  asking for advice and thoughts. Leaving a message. And emailing... 

It is quite astounding - have been here many times before....

despite their glitzy websites they simply never ever have the manners or humanity ever to reply or follow up ANYthing...and i live in a part of the uk that has more 'environment' than almost anywhere else.

ANyway concurrently - 6 weeks ago, we have this. Which said FIVE YEARS...millions of quid...spent on the super super vainglorious new 'Welsh' eco laws....  is being delayed/ torn up...

i have a recording.

10/10/22 - Pollution rules delayed, International Trade.

Farming Today

New rules aimed at reducing agricultural pollution in rivers in Wales are being delayed by the Welsh Government for three months. The introduction of an all-Wales nitrate vulnerable zone is opposed by farming unions and opposition parties. Campaign group the Welsh Rivers Union, tell us the delay is disappointing, and hope this is not a sign the policy is being pushed into the long grass.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001cwvp

gone, but i will put up a recording soon.

So, overdrive "have you heard... the land upstream the Welsh gov admits is polluting rivers downstream... Labour have torn up - in REALITY.. the new law...it wont come in for months in fact will be pushed down river to after another election...and then will be dropped..."

"yes yes terrible.."

then not one word back "yes we should at least make sure media know about it ..."

And one calls

https://wru.org.uk/news/

who boasted they existed on this program... they dont even have the manners to return a call...

Now one day, this last five months will be turned into Homeric poems, songs... even a proper essay and maybe surreal short story....

But the real problem is that no one gets any more, in Mister Bernahrds magnificent book Extinction... probably best book of the second half of the last century - i know as i read many..

It is NOT about 'extinction' it is also almost the opposite: it is so beautifully a living book about how we must holdup ALL our mess, hypocrisies, inadequacies, vanities, and incongruities, for GENUINE inspection - there must be no limit. TB wet all the way...   we must hide behind no skirts or fancy castle walls. And there in is real LIFE. How to live....even if i can do better asi have been writing in a similar vein for 10 years and outlived him

But that is for another day. As free of ever bothering to DO anything ever again, now i can live among my diaries and chronicles and even travel away from here as i 'knew' the few who may have just been 'hope' - may have just done something....

heaven is knowing for sure, there never was any hope. And then writing a joke book about them. Anonymous....or maybe except for one. But even him...and her his aristo wifey...what's the point in yet another  headline about criminal animal cruelty....  even if on rather a grand scale. And with some very beautiful sublime photos to accompany... i spent a lot of time on.

the only REAl 'art'...

 

So, Wednesday justgone.... in the town that isn't really "growing" on me.... two weeks had happened. As always too much for a deliberately  swamp living hermit  tramp  living in is little cave. No point bothering not to.

"will she still stop me in my feet.... it was her feet.... but surely it was a moment in time...?" 

But then that red spot.

This is no dead weblog about yesterday or even the day before. It is about what next. And of course as always there will be nothing.

But then, that makes me stronger... bizarrely. And even discover the key to 'happiness'.

When no one else ever does ANYthing...ever....

Leaves me free to actually for the first  kairos time ever, actually appreciate art, fully.

 

soon!

 i get back to the grand finale....

ohh my...someone's mess was even messier than i thought... but then one day it will be a wonderful truly universal (and anonymous! ) story

that says all we need to know about the last 7 or 8 years of reality...

even here

(here being not, here, but there...not far away.... their temple - Hay..)

THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I SAID IN THE LAST 3 YEARS TO INCOMER HOUSEBUYERS.. .."YAWN...YOU AND YER FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.."

 

ZIAUL

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfsfbf4BBaF/

TO ZIAUL

ruralralph

Sir, I live in England, unfortunately, and in a region of much 'art', including photography.

In my opinion much Western art is cynical decadent dilettante, effete...acedia rules our societies.

I walked past your photograph today in Ludlow Assembly rooms, and was immediately mesmerised. I have stood in front of your girl for hours today. Almost weeping but also celebrating at last the power of art. I am an expert photographer, and my parents even knew E Chambre Hardman a very famous photographer.
I congratulate you on an image so mesmerising. No photograph has affected my soul for years. This does. It is extraordinary. Good luck with your career!!

now i REALLY do have to get to writing... cos

 Talk about kairos!

what a lovely word and way of BEing it is...

i say to folk "all of Ecclesiastes 3 in one word"  - frankly it isn't even important if that is intellectually true, but it works.

I am an all my life absolutely pacifist tough guy  woodchopper sheep ranger... mountain walker.... and WALKAWAYIST...long learned why pacifism matters. And fuck off i write well about this elsewhere. Indeed have written something on Ukraine getting some traction... its about real peace... good for me.

BUT...i have one lament - daily....  even now as i have my lid open, one wonderful young 10 year old i see daily nattering with her mum walks by...homeschooled... i gave them a booklist a month ago: Ring of Bight Water,  and all his others, Watership Down,  My Family and Other Animals... all of the Herriots, the Swallows and Amazons... the Williamson Tarka and maybe others... and others.. and very little Barry Trotter.

And absolutely add in some brown girl books..... but only if they are lacking in self pity and very full of balanced beast stuff.

Thats starts you out well.... and then guess what by about 11 you are ready for ... THE HITCHIKER..all of them....and other splendid sedition...

 But thats a foundation still, only, because later one i is about the meanadering  almost 'funfair' books...  Tolstoy's Resurrection - gently in a way up and down the rollercoaster of existence, ebbing and flowing... Stendhal the same....as are many other frogs espesh Balzac.... life is just a bit of a weird old anything can turn up on the seashore; but there can be years of bugger all except a rusty can.... and if she uses it to slit her wrists in front of you, or stab you in the eye... so be it, but hat is not a 'normal' mode.. 

Normal mode is  the ebbing and flowing.. the odyssey sometimes requiring you to run, others sit and rest for months... its all a rather wonky hike  (and only silly billies  are infected with meaningless words like the nowadays eponymous 'journey')

That is what great books especially mister Marquez teach - or rather create within... that is the only thing i would pass on to anyone...

But it is silly to think that this swirling around  the self of 'reality' - albeit in my own case i know how to keep completely aside their whirlwinds, always...  

It is silly to think that out of the blue truly amazingly funny and heart warming things can 'turn up' ... or that she... 

The girl from the song

Twenty years i have known her and her lethally sharp rusty tin can edge .... and her genius at hiding t under her hems...

It was impossible she would become 'human' and we would be laughing an hour on the tin can ... 

yestereve..

And she would begin to do as she was fuckin told, start to write some poetical lines 

" it is as if they have crucified me" (with a  real laugh despite her true trauma)

what sort of tosser writes "anything can happen" ..at this age in this dump of a acedia infected  Shopping Aisle...

And then it did.

And what she - MRs famous 'Earth Mother' Queen Bee of the ultra goddesses ..

" I thought all my healer / spiritual / yogaeating friends... curated so many years...i thought they would be human nice and understand....and have compassion....  i simply cannot believe it ...i have been ill from it all [ "yes i knew you were - your ghosting...i have compassion"].... i have for two decades sold myself and everyone else a pup... every single one.... theyre absolutely fucking evilthe way they have treated me..and my children.."

" oh my love...at last...welcome back tothe real world"   

The very very very last post, before the fun restarts

 To

be.....

finished. Quickest jotting, neigh almost just a doodle:

Do come back.

But then the next day.

In the very very last place one would imagine: They call it God's Waiting Room

One encounters   - she started it! :-)

She broke the ice over the orange label knock downs at the OOP..

" scandalous they are such hypocrites.."

[ full conversation to insert as it was the very best ever!]

"The upshot is Mandy, i think we know your smile is pukka and pure ... unlike absolutely every single one of the others supposedly our side, because you face up to the fact there is no hope... for exactly the same reasons we have both ascertained so so long... that 'our side' are a load of people pleasing fakes... and people pleasing is a very dangerous real affliction long known..... your river Clun fuckerated..my rivers... because they suck the oxygen out of the whole damn project - to DO something as  ateam to actually DO something about it.... and enough of us we could have..... but we have thats why we are so happy chatting away the time of day with strangers as we... to be cont"

The hard part of any kind of screen based piety is when one is not only not pious but is happily plodding through every day for years without actually moaning ever, no one will believe this unless woven in there are GREAT evocative, soulful,  blissful even, gorgeous wonderful only happy stories to also tell.... that are all 100% real and not some space cadet off with the fairies nonsense....cos MY chronicling, is absolutely pukka...  if Montaigne were still about he would wander everywhere with his devices recording too... cos you can't trust anyone these days not to warp the self that Mandy knows - recognises...anyway we have our mutual pukka eco friend... Sarah N... "the ONLY one who actually does it properly and writes superbly about their rewilding, REAL writing, not about fairies and moondust but ALL the  bugs bees birds and even how to actually get government money for more of them.."

the amount of times i have sermonised that the last 5 years....

And a complete and utter waste of time...

but it was being alive, trying...

My religion as with all the rest i am a fanatic fundqamentaliist.

BEST book by far on this subject (i know as i have a large library of the actual grown up books on the 'soul') is the superb Amos Oz

How to cure..one.

and 

the rest its time to clear off my desktop and start from

the beginning

in the beginning was naCHER...IT FUCKS STUFF UP.

oUR JOB IS TO FIND A BALANCE 

OOPS ACCIDENTAL CAPS IN A HURRY NO TIME TO UNCAP..

a second religion

to be cont

To the communicant

"ehh up dilettante bourgeois fatso... you'll be in heaven here.."

Another one of those words, like 'intellectual'  - so decried by the scrofulates who just (in the library) shout so as to prey at the alter of their own voices. And that's the ones paid to be here.

But then how bizarre - it is as if this place was built just for me - no one ever in the 'glass box' room...

 note to self: what am i going to do about her...i mean rural honour is thet you ALWAYS pay your day labouring yeoman, especially as the previous 60 days it was all " fab job..no one else would do it so well at minimum wage.." and their unmortgaged property is at least 750 k worth..

Of course bimbos won't have seen Blott On The Landscape its not on breakfast lunch and teatime tv blaring in the kitchen

Good job, even if i believe it was one of the greatest cultural and intellectual exposes of the cant and vanity in this sceptic Shopping Aisle, i don't believe in Blottian revenge...or any...

That's if "thank you for ripping me off 6 days  hard labour full days ...pay... still... because no longer living in your hills i had the most wonderful summer into autumn ever...made half a dozen new sort of friends ...waiting to be paid sweeypie...by you....  truly, i wopuld not have had one second of my life, especially since you played games with my money...why....? any different ..peace sister....ebven if like all the rest you lie about your age even in the rural places where honour was ones word.... likely nearer the age of my mother.... " 

isn't considered revenge 

it's true

not meant to 'hurt'.

But i suspect it will....

Even the local charity shop "spray tan booth.." 

there is no hope.

The bimbos won

But, life was at last worthwhile just a few days ago to the truly amazingly funny and confident young punkettes...

"looky here ...yeah yeahh....  Nina Hagen, i hope you worship...especially the live performance of the nature song.... kills me still....and you won't of heard of girl band Penetration.. Moving Targets i do believe  the very best of all punk albums.... 

but before all that racket, sorry.... hark up there upon the wall of this ere collectors record shop....

i really do hope you know about her...in my opinion she was the very fiercest and she started the whole thing really...

my brown friend we duel every day he loves his useless confected modern punk i just shower him with ... you HAVE heard of her you agree... fuck me there is a god... and it really was her 

there is some 74...ohh you've seen it... god at last our lasses are getting truly great education....i am so met you...great ironwork...

I am going home and putting on... that year you see girls...

those noisy happies ok Siouxsi was genius shortly after but sorry the same year all smug those pistoly chaps on the box...

same year ... 

a woman going truly beserk

for the right

reasons...

 

"your kidding... you've seen the 'stevie in a mini-skirt' one too..... the bit where she holds her arms up ding the 'Black widow of a woman..' ..it simply is the sublime..... . i think is the best bit of performance art in the history of anything.... Sophocles would be turning in his grave had he known a mere woman could do so so much better than him...one day.. i actually have some hope in humanity meeting you two terrors.. really....and you'll know being brought up on decent real music... one doesn't lie about the important stufft it come...and if theres a god it will.

" but one tip if aint too patronising....  it's not quite enough......   mix in a few REAL books too... nope, Harry Potter, or  Magical Realism doesn't count ..unless it's Gabriel Garcia.... but you have plenty top chose from as the two greatest punk literati by far are your Missey Elliot with her Silas, and Rachel Kushner with her Mars Room.... then your education will be complete"

Time to off we go to other identities and other spots... and get some of these damn stories down. I know they will not disappoint. Thing is i know true zen and spirituality: ALL attention upon the self distracts... only takes. Never adds anything real. Nor good. That is the first law of the weird human universe. I know - i've been both.... It is so  so much better to be no one. Having been through being 'someone'.

except two people - me and him... 1/4 of a decade ago, no plan...we really really did become someone

aND WHAT WE WRITE IS SIMPLY ALMOST BETTER THAN THE SUBLIME....

ACCC CAP.

this is the very hardest line to write .... so it needs at least a week to come... the right words to describe it.

And if theres a 'god' it..may