15 July
as i am rolling this out to a few people due kindof urgentish requirement for co worker and i will put up more pix...later today
the setting in the hills of where the work needs continuing is a unique paradise - could camp there if wished. (i have spare tents and all other bedding etc required)
- 70 or so minutes drive to the West there is the wonderful beach beyond Machynllell.
Miles of fairly deserted beach up beyond Aberdovey.
more pictures to follow.
there are more pics on this page https://ruralralph.blogspot.com/p/lifestyle.html
and the home page of this website (not a blog, just doodling)
i lose track of internet pages where for years i doodle...
i have many pictures of the work being done (renovations to fences and sheds) as i kind of make little videos about how good for the soul never mind environment such work is. But they need editing bigtime i may not be able to do yet (help would be good making such a film)
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30 june last effort to encourage someone to share a bit of work and a sublime place. uploading videos etc finished by 1 July.
videos of area
to be edited
or maybe not.
In short an astonishingly wild place - hardly anyone ever comes out here, but there is a very good connection by train 1 mile walk away and tickets can be had at 57 quid.
BEST VIEW OF REGION
ZEN
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This, my rather ramshackle online life, may seem nuts. I get rather bored writing in a prosaic way as i rather like to stream-of-consciousness write poetically, so i am not very good at this. Any more...i have even got a law changed (via HRA - on behalf of the little people and their freedom of speech) by simpler and authoritative coherent writing. I am literate.
This is the last page on this (trying to connect with someone), which sort of was going to be series of essays, sort of augments page https://ruralralph.blogspot.com/p/lifestyle.html
I suppose the short version is for some years one of my interests has been trying to figure intelligent things to say about how to speak with people, and write also, on the thorny subject of easier collaboration in rural areas. Be it on small scale smallholding type existence, or environmental causes. I like to take these things seriously. I am certainly not interested in throwing out notional virtue signalling dreams about such things. I have lived through several real world hard 'interpersonal' ecosystems that are quite challenging because the self esteem deep down of so many in rural areas is fragile or damaged. (not mine). This leads to endless people pleasing. People speaking of some ideal dream notion, however the years of grinding people politics to make such things even half possible never happens.
Sorry, fact - I wander, a little Orwellish - observing, sometimes being within situations to observe and think and sometimes write, fact, the esteem of those within functional or at least fairly functional partnerships is so so so much more robust. And thus more functional collaboration is easier with such people.
I give up - trying to effect any change in my own way, and only write (not here) about my past experiences maybe that will give someone else real food for thought one day.
Meanwhile one last attempt at seeing if anyone may like to try and make something for themselves of a pretty unique opportunity. I could work out perhaps sharing some work up in the hills in a truly sublime spot. It is in fact experiencing life in a way that hasn't changed much for 100 years. But there is so much to learn also.
I don't like the word strong. Too many connotations of "strongman" politics or indeed echoes of tough guy existence. I am ion fact a shrinking wallflower. OR to speak in real terms i spend a lot of time meandering the hills in silence; in fact a lot of time sitting around at my favourite hillside locations in silence - just the birds and i. writing poetry. More important in that who-are-you? way, I live only for an extremely peaceful response to everything. And am many year an avowed pacifist - after thinking through all the real word aspects of what that means. I have read all the great holocaust books such as Primo Levi and know what the real world is. And i still hold that pacifist view. Moreso the older i get.
But some are not me. I am in my rhythm now. Because that really is the one question i cannot answer. And the first question is how to term it? - that question.
I am the most open person there is. I even worked on a cause connected with public openness and freedom of speech. But i do not refer to various many year tragic acts of certain people aimed to cause me maximum lifelong hurt and pain. Not because they must be censored or forgotten - denial never works. Simply because that would be letting the bad acts of others dominate. And pacifism means not seeking redress. Never..
Strong means once more - but this time for the last time, going through several weeks of complete mental torture prior to last weekend. Will the child - my only child who has always been my everything, be able to even send a birthday greeting for her dad's big birthday? The weeks of anticipation is exhausting. there is nothing else like it and i have had my share of hard times. and this will be the third such period in as many years. But i survive. And i know many if not most would not. Never one drink. Never any other anaesthetic. I plod on.
I have loosely worked with many in dire circumstances - those facing loss of children. I know few can get through these totally mindfucking times like i have.
But here is the question, and i browse much modern material on doing the 'work' on oneself - out of curiosity. I know what emotional intelligence is. I know about 'shadow work' and all other iterations of attempting to understand and deal with who we grew into and what may have gone wrong. In fact only this morning i was pondering the one question that any half sane person can never quite answer - judgement on ones parents. We seem to hide from certain larger questions. My father a supposed cultured and on the face of it (his image) renaissance and erudite man. Yet he had a drawer full of some pretty hardcore pornography back in those 70s. And anyone who isn't asleep especially women in this day and age must be aware what a dangerous road men and their pornography seems to be taking us down. Of course it has changed the human condition. Of course. And not for the best. I am lucky i dealt with that in my life decades ago. One needs to deal with these things......
Here is the only question i cannot have an opinion on: do women - or some archetypal woman, wish a 'strong' man? Does any person who perhaps feels they have for one or other reason things chipping away at their own self esteem, wish to be around someone who manages to pretty much always keep it together? Never really be floored by anything. In many ways the modern era to me seems almost masochistic. And this maybe such a notion - things being as healthy as possible, almost always, maybe is anathema to the majority. Maybe most need endless psychodrama.
Well if not, and someone strong and stoical is ok in your life, and you like the outdoors, i have an opportunity to share this place - for some money (for easy work) too.
I actually don't enjoy getting the camera out, but for years I have tried a few online proto projects - some i may continue, but above all... you see my daughter was used to hurt me and she was damaged. I have not seen her five years (she traumatised, nothing to do with me whatsoever) and i keep a record of some things really just for her - if i pop my clogs before she maybe one day gets in touch- in fact my one wish was by now to have had the time or rather computer time with a plug, to put some simple films together about REAL environmentalism and also doing certain jobs properly - do them well, minimum money but best quality work, and the materials last longer and thus it is the best thing for the environment.
to publisher, do it propper
