It never was five years.
I write a somewhat poetical lifestory ..elsewhere....I do not use the words 'blog' or even diary. There is more. I live 'within' a range of stories. That sounds a little hocus-pocus....ehhh no. And furthermore the 'new age' space cadet homeopathy-for-your-goldfish....at £ alot per minute... "by donation" they say, whilst "suggesting" something .... concomitant with the price of their expensive Hunter wellies... they i learned so many times the hard way are the most inhuman and selfish of all.
Living within a story; what does it even mean? I don't know how to put it.
I have only ever invited about 5 people to have a look at these pages - the blog is not listed anywhere. Those people I felt are different. For real.
Today I was planning to go and find a lost horse. But ended up popping by the most wonderful farming couple by far I have even been lucky enough to know. They live very high up in the hills. I have never met a happier and healthier couple - not only as individuals but also in respect of their simply astoundingly healthy relationship. It shows...
But on the way, I also met another person. Only behind her mask. And she alone chimed things i have been saying many years. About "the lot of them...". Most sc
cowl when one even mentions simplest obvious truths. She did not scowl - her lovely eyes did not speak to me of any scowl behind her mask.
But sadly i shall probably not reencounter that woman. I think from up North... not long enough a chat to find out. I like Northerners. A spade is a spade.
But I have never heard any person in my whole area being quite so honest as two ...he said it, his wife neighed in agreement: : "All the farmers are nowadays yuppies too.." That was after the story of the Rangerover lady who had it all fitted out in pink leather. AT the cost of what used to be the cost of a small cottage not that long ago.
But words - mine are fine, but useless, they won...
But i decided today WHY in fact i must write up my journey and quest. I never went f
further than 15 miles except once, but I - a many times world traveller in my 20s and 30s, feel i have travelled further these last years on this quest, than i ever have before in my life. I have met many. The ... not very rural win.. 'they' own everything, even a new 'truth' that isn't...
But 'they' could never be as happy and so wonderfully friendly as these two..
And they...ten years ago, started something in me. A quest - a belief even, that there must be others like them - for real... i have quested.... a lot. I think it wonderful quest in so many ways. And I am a fool who believes in the impossible.
Their smiles and laughter are more real than any I have seen for miles... that i know. No two faces as in the supposedly "famous" town down the road... two of the only real faces left in the land? I suspect the other face - half hidden, was a real one too, but real people cannot afford the land any more, The pink ;leather Range Rover lot bought it all....
The truth of course was i was looking for a wife like his. I never even realised that until today. The day that even a true friends ...i thought....who's daughter i have had out on the hills this winter.. a farming family... and this evening she is even out with a new friend i provided... all at great personal expense and I am a most humble person.
(if she did... mask lady. I only spoke with one today....i would love to tell her the story of how 15 years ago i felt so ashamed the garage attendant gave me too much change...it bore away at my conscience i still think of it now..
They would understand that it's important...rural honour is that if the attendant loses a tenner and may get into trouble, even if super hard up as i was then - single parent...on the school run with a fiver in the tank only... you give it back.
Nothing... no £200 grand vehicle can ever give you the satisfaction of knowing you will always do the right thing, always... I have flown as a career 2 million quid (non military) aircraft... there is no satisfaction in that compared to knowing these two...and that their smiles are real.
I thought I may have found another. We have sweated, ducked and dived these last 9 months for the sake of her and five others children: get them into the hills... bugger mad 'rules'.
I succeeded - no it is not 'we'. I thought it was 'we' but I am mistaken. Because not one of them really had their heart into the only thing that matters...friendship no matter what. Only that can make smaller faming work. One loose personal sour (and assuming ) comment makes you realise its as if NO one under about 50 can ever ever get that again.... even if they fake it. I fake it did not hurt me so so much.
But then, knowing these two just a little i know also they would just keep their mouths shut, smile a real smile and think: "nowt as queer as folk..." And also think - its doing the job, no matter what, especially if the job is just to make our next generation as comfortable as possible doing things for themselves in rural areas... is all that matters. NO one can ever take that away, Ever. That makes ME smile... even though no one will ever see it.
