So 'first draft' it's daft.
And I do not like it that an online presence I began looks rather disjointed, chaotic, and outright nutjob. Because in real life I write very well.
Around five years ago I began several loose projects. They were really ongoing existences that I thought for 'posterity' of sorts I should try and chronicle. A little in the vein of George Borrow. Though with a large helping of the other George, Mister Orwell, in the way he would put himself properly within social groups he was not really a part of, to explore and chronicle truths within. In my caser when I do that it is never ever cynical: I can wear several hats in a day, and for example one - assisting in several rural small communities a range of tragic down and owts with serious issues such as trying to get them to be properly supported in abstinence after periods of damaging drug or alcohol abuse is no voyeuristic game. I have paid a true price - i put heart and soul into what should be. For their healthy future, or even actually having a future life.
But that was not the plan - social worker when there are no services left and especially the last year so many have clearly got 'worse'.
The plan was to chronicle a series of days wandering, roaming, quite quite aimlessly and seeing what conversation i could find on the way.
There were two distinct specific themes. The first was speaking with people anywhere i could about their feelings on the developments - tragedy in my own opinion, in respect of matters EU. I roamed mainly farms - places way off the beaten track, pathways similarly in far away locations but also from time to time visited smaller towns and even the odd city. Just striking up conversation. It may sound arrogant but as a lifelong student of the REAL version of society i kinda knew what was going on. And as a many year peripatetic worker all over Europe i knew also the facts of the EU. Or rather the peoples of a range of places in the Eu as all 'countries' are a largely artificial construct. I know minds. Of course it was all and still is a weird tragedy. I have many recordings and notebooks. I discovered so much bizarre dichotomy it would take me years to even figure how to plan a book of it. But i know my chronicles are superb. My one and only most beloved child, though born and raised in UK, has 50% EU blood. Brexit seemingly damaged her soul. It is only for her i wished to not only be a gentle nudging streetcorner Socratic activist - or just conversationalist, nudging, it is for her i made this chronicle. Here generation needs to know the truths. They aren't gopod reading in truth.
But the project i really did have my heart in fully was the other series of roaming conversations.
I live close by - 15 minutes walk, from a relatively high up section of Offas Dyke and also a major official trail that feeds into Offas Dyke. I like the hills. But in fact my surrounding area does not have many walkers. Three or four times a week i walk a three hour circuit up in my hills. Most days i meet no one at all.
As the rest of the world seemed to be undergoing a range of minor rather silly nervous breakdowns, or the media - even supposed intelligent media, would report it as so every other day, i decided to approach people i would see. Purpose: have a friendly up-in-the-hills sort of fellow hiker chat.
Such encounters are different to everyday new acquaintance. In fact even with women out hiking alone it's all so much more equal and real. I started to quickly add in little pat phrases having maybe enquired what they were seeking or escaping "what is said on the hill, stays on the hill..". Indeed that is a good true maxim that frees conversation in just such places: we do not need to be troubled by ordinary social convention; let us be more human than society normally allows.
It worked. I decided i would write a little about each encounter. And ONLY invite people i had met in person to view my chronicles (here) or Facebook i set up as accompanying communication stream.
When i say it 'worked' I mean that the conversations struck up were wonderful. Quite unique. Two or sometimes three of us really getting into the heart of contemporary existence. Up in the hills - above all the nonsense, there is far less tendency to 'blame' any person party or movement. Individuals and backward or stuck or lost tendencies seem so irrelevant. And there is a shared simplicity and earthiness in speaking even with a total stranger in such places.
I wished to continue that new hobby and project and also start to write up the chats. But I have several other hats and events took over.
One hat is occasional 'citizens advice' and in a past life part time emergency legal advocate (to the downtrodden). I can deal with an emergency ion folks' lives. Nothing phases me or riles me any more. It's about what ACTIONS can be initiated to try and fix things, at least a bit. Though anyone with half a brain knows that human problems always take far far far longer than assumed to even begin to adjust, and a lot more time too. It so happened that two years ago a particularly sad event happened with a nearby resident and i realised like so so many nowadays his life was friendless and so atomised it was hardly believable, and thus had to give over a lot of time to him. Bully for me - it was not enjoyable.
But a more interesting hat is from a past life as Green vote gatherer - hopeless cause because my friends the Green would-be politicos are to a wo/man sadly useless and sadly rather elitist and self regarding to put it politely, which then became EU vote gatherer - one good thing about 'Green' politics at least 100% of potential Green voters are also pro EU, which then, knowing failure on all fronts, became a little wildlife conservation and ranging the area as monitor. oops that's a horrid rather long sentence.
In my wildlife ranging two years ago./...../ even here... that's my catch pharse...even here - way off the beaten track, relatively unintensive agriculture in fact many square miles of virtual wilderness, some baddies started to be very bad. Even i was shocked.
Firstly a large area of woodland - many square miles, was set for felling and harvesting IN THE BREEDING SEASON.... this was madness and against the law...
so my roamings became more a case of sussing out did anyone i meet care, and if they did would they help me gather evidence and even prepare for legal cases against the baddy greedy harvesters. And then 9 months ago i happened across the worst wildlife crime i have ever seen. Out of the blue. In the last place one would expect, on land owned by someone who even takes public money to be pro wildlife.
And this all my energy went into aspects of these two environmental causes. Except i give up. And now only write.. Because dozens of people to my face - ehhh we haven't had much 'lockdown' my way.... have stated they do care, and i am obviously a clean living very healthy person and not some ranting dervish, yet not one ever followed through some appeal just to provide a little moral support - never money, just alliance... reporting in eco crime is a risky affair - yes one may need a place of safety in other words a bed for a few weeks if one has to lie low...
And this is one reason i can only write at the moment incognito. In fact I am a quiet person keeps to myself but many in my region do know me a little from wanderings and roamings... and especially the last year i have ran my own little social work op once more asking if people are ok, going to houses few visit, and trying to encourage people in trouble to at least go for healthy walks....
But i have a problem! I have discovered so many glorious silver linings to the last year I am bursting to write every moment! But i cannot yet - i cannot identify myself in my area. I would be in real danger. And many silly people make silly assumptions about what is written online. And thus at times i doodle on the facebook page.
I do write elsewhere the even more 'seditious version - which means in essence describing the true joy and healthy new life i lived as of a year ago. Time to rest. Time to not think about the madness of rolling back the enlightenment - i.e. brexit. And time to make more new friends in the last year than i have for the last decade.
Time - define, it feels like it goes far far more 'slowly' when life is packed. I live middle of nowhere, haven't gone out at night for years, yet my own life has been so absurdly full the last years it feels like a year ago was last century.
Bully for me; but i am not proud of incoherent waffle. And it is now time to do something about that.
